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Agree? Disagree? Stop sounding off to your computer screen! Instead,
share your point of view on this subject with our readers.
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Answer some work-related e-mails; call and order a new faucet for the bathroom. Review financial reports; search on the web for a party menu. I'll admit that I can't quite juxtapose work and life that way. And I think that's a blessing, not a curse.
I've been conscious of working mothers as long as I've been one--going on 22 years. Every working mother (and some working fathers--sorry, but there you have it) is on the lookout for the tip or the trick that will mean nothing falls through the cracks and it's easier to sleep at night. But I haven't yet been able to put the full-integration model into action for myself.
I have a few of these friends, the people who see no boundaries between home life and work life. For them, it's all one big fat folder of things to do, one calendar to fill to the brim. They can proofread a report, call the geometry teacher to straighten out a problem, and then call a supplier to change a delivery schedule. And lest you think they're shorting the company time, let me assure you: They're just as likely to work after five and on weekends as they are to stop at the florist or post office on the way back from lunch.
In my head, I can see the advantages of this. My friends are probably better at managing their kids' school careers because schools--in my town, anyway--are not very forgiving of a working-parent schedule. These work/life integrating friends probably have their teeth cleaned on something more like a six-month schedule because they'll think to call for a dentist appointment during the day, when the dentist's office is actually open. They'll meet deadlines at the office that I'll miss. But in my heart--or maybe around my heart--I still need to draw a heavy black line between work and the rest of life.
This could be an introvert/extravert issue, if I believe what I read in Marti Olsen Laney's The Introvert Advantage. It could be that people like me simply can handle fewer stimuli at one time. It could be that the heavy black line helps me to limit the number of things I need to consider at any one time, allowing me enough focus to get anything done.
But it seems to me that unless your job has its own boundaries--like a place where the job needs to be done, a set of tables that need to be waited on, a machine that needs to be used--work will take all the time you might give it. Once I lower the barrier on evenings and weekends, I find it harder to put it back up. Once I adjust to getting home at 6:30, 7:00 isn't so late. Going to the office on a Saturday makes it easier to go on the next Saturday, or to stay longer each time.
The implied urgency of work, together with its social nature, are what pull you in. Arlie Russell Hochschild wrote about the seduction of work in The Time Bind: When Work Becomes Home and Home Becomes Work. She talks about the fact that work can seem manageable, rewarding in ways that home life can't, especially if you don't have a supportive spouse, for example, or if your teenagers are going through the inhuman stage.
Once the kids are out of diapers, families' needs are more self-effacing, less urgent, up to a point. If you don't get to the laundry today, well, it will be there tomorrow. Nutrition is a long-term notion, right? Time with the kids is a qualitative issue, not quantitative. But if my brain is half-full of work all of the time, I won't see the opportunities for quality. If my brain is half-full of work, my kids are halfway to an obstacle, a distraction, all of the time.
I believe in downtime. Time to turn off gives you more energy when you come back to the fray. And it doesn't really matter whether you're coming back to a project at work or a project at home or your relationships with your family. Time away gives you perspective, gives the kaleidoscope a partial rotation so the pieces fall into place another way. If you're constantly in the morass of all of it, you'll never get that new perspective.
George Nelson was a writer and designer who worked with Herman Miller from the 40s through the 70s. Asked in the mid-80s to document his design relationship with Herman Miller, he produced a radical essay, in which he said, "Business, which now almost totally blankets the social environment, is not, and never has been, the central concern of the human race. It just looks that way."
He's right. Pull out whatever cultural history you've got buried in your brain. When business features in the arts, it's as a caution or a caricature: Merchant of Venice. Death of a Salesman. Tootsie. The human race is about families and love and the history that anchors us and propels us to our future. It's about seeking beauty, seeking physical, social, and spiritual survival. It's about the search for answers to our questions about God and eternity.
And those aren't the headlines in the business section of my newspaper. I'll work hard all day long. But at the end of the day, I'll turn my attention--my full
attention--to the rest of life.
When she's not immersed in her marketing work, Lois Maassen focuses on her husband, three children, and excess of hobbies.
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Reactions to "Never Mix, Never Worry"
This article was particularly scary because I'm living this way just as an intern. I am sometimes implicitly thrown out of the office (when they turn the lights out and I feel terribly awkward attempting to work by a lamp). For me, it is just a matter of "must get it done so that I can move on to something else." This is taking a toll on me. It seems I really don't have a life. And I'm just an intern.
Bah.
Radix
Programmer, ABC Software
Thanks, Lois! Just what I needed.
You gotta love a writer who finds the common thread within Merchant of Venice, Death of a Salesman, and Tootsie. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. Or maybe I'll just take it home with me...
Patrick J Hamilton
Creative Director, Monster Worldwide
Loved the article the way I used to love fairy tales when I was a little girl. It reminded me of that whole 'maybe-someday-that -could-happen-to-me' kind of daydreamy feeling. However, here in the real world, I work in a commercial architecture firm where I have developed a love/hate relationship with my computer. Yes, it's a handy gadget. But I blame that 'infernal machine' for the increase in deadline pressures that have reached ridiculous levels. Since we use computers, the expectation of the client is for instantaneous completion of their project no matter how many times they change their minds or fail to make a decision. The phrase I hate most in the entire universe is "How hard would it be to...?" Cuz they really don't want to know. They just want it done with no extension to the schedule and no addtional fee. And because the competition in our area is so brutal, we pretty much have to just do it and smile as the steam escapes our ears . So working long hours, skipping lunch and giving up weekends is the norm, not the exception here. Then there are the Mom chores and the Wife chores that have to get done in and around the work. When I do take lunch, it's usually to dash home to pick up a kid and transport it from point A to point B. Now here's the part where I love my sweet computer: I can pay my bills, go shopping, do my banking etc. pretty much anytime I can squeeze it in, thanks to the wonderful beautiful internet! If I can keep my eyes open long enough, I can do anything! My friend who works for an engineer has a saying: "Sleep is optional". It used to be funny until we realized we were living the slogan pretty much daily...and would be for a long, long time.
PJ Martinez
It's interesting that as humans we appear to be driven out of our minds by unreasonable expectations concerning work. From other articles I've read on Jugglezine, it would appear the large majority of workers, particularly those in the office environment, are struggling and barely coping with the information age. Another aspect that contributes to this problem is the fad gone mad - multiskilling. (Sorry for swearing)! Also the cell phone is the best worst invention ever. :-)
It annoys me immensely that even if you turn your cell off, don't check your email from home, etc on your day off - hey presto - work calls on your home number with something trivial that can't wait a few hours until the next day.
Downtime is great. As an IT network manager, my clients love downtime. The office comes alive when the server comes to an abrupt halt at 10:30am on the ocassional morning. Managers don't like it, but the staff actually communicate with each other on a very different level to what one normally observes. Perhaps they start to LIVE.
Although I have no children I can relate precisely to your article. We have to work, and we have to live, but the boundary in my opinion doesn't have to be a thick black line. How about a semi transparent dotted line where work and life exist in harmony.
Andrew Bevan
IT Administrator, Australian Government
I loved this piece so much I read it twice. So glad to see that I am not alone in these thoughts. Now all we have to do is get the boss to subscribe to this theory.
Diane Brandli, ASID
Director of Interior Design, Ashley McGraw Interiors
I think there is another way.
I work for myself as an interior designer.
Mine is a small firm, just 2 of us. We do lots of projects, public librraries and large and small residential. I have immense freedom. Every other week I handle 28 children in my 7 year olds school through 3 hours of an art project. I love it. I turn my cell phone off all the time. I food shop during the week when it is pleasant and quiet and find myself being quite polite all the time even to my clients, whom I see giving my the financial freedom to do as I please.
The point is not about boundaries but freedom.
Seizing daily opportunity to take back the moment at any time is a state of mind not a line drawn in the sand.
Interesting point of view. I enjoy the perspective.
michele linback
Even though I'm not a mother, I related perfectly to your article. Furthermore, I've read this same idea many times, yet you found a fresh way to say something familiar. I particularly loved your analogy of time away to a kaleidescope, the way you phrased how easy it would be to make longer hours a habit ("lowering the barrier" and the sentence following it), the reminder of Arlie Hochschild's thesis that work can be more rewarding than home in some cases (which I'd heard before, but had forgotten), and the interesting quote from George Nelson, which I had NOT heard before. Thank you for a validating and refreshing article!
Carolyn Walker
Principal, Carolyn Walker Writing & Editing
Thanks for the fine assessment. One does not hear of regret from a loved one's deathbed for not spending more time at work or in the office/factory. The rest of our life should indeed be as you describe.
James Farkas
Materials Director, Martin Logan
I believe we all need to be reminded often what we are on this planet for?? It is to celebrate life and to meet new people, learn from them and apply it to your life and so on...
I especially like George Nelson's statement and I believe it is very true. In my opinion, society has become very superficial...not giving any credit to the media with those reality shows on TV.
Great article. Thanks!
Deena Taguchi
Designer, Contract Furnishers of Hawaii
Deep inside me, I still hope to reach the perfectness to deal with both work and private life, simultaneously like you said at the beginning. But that's hope - not expectation.
One person can surely obtain rewards from both work and private life - and often we can't get all the good - and bad - experiences just living one of the sides.
So we have to live both lives, at work and at home. We surely have to.
But work is like a black hole, or some kind of evil spirit like the ones you see in some japanese animation movies - once you get in touch with it, it draws your time, it pulls you every time closer, ... and you usually don't realize it until the work / school / family / budget problems surface.... all in the same time.
So.... let's keep the boudaries....
Marcelo Yamada
Project Manager
Magnificent! Glad to see there are others ascribing to this philosophy. So very well put - I'm sending it on to my wife, who does not distinguish between work and home because she does not work outside the home. But man, does she work hard!
We all need a chance to get away from work, no matter in what line of work we find ourselves!
Mark VanderKlipp
President, Corbin
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