Not long ago, I discovered that my then seven-year-old daughter had not been washing her hair with soap in the shower. When I questioned her, she said, "My conscience told me to use soap, but then I thought, 'Hey, I'm saving time! And what could be wrong about that?'"

My daughter has figured out that saying yes to one thing means saying no to another. In order to have time to do something she valued--play her evening game of Stratego with her father--she was foregoing clean hair, which she doesn't care much about. Maybe it wasn't the best choice, but at least she was intentional about it. That's more than many of us can say for ourselves.

There are many reasons we can't find the time to do what we want, whether it's taking up mountain climbing, tutoring children, or simply getting eight hours of sleep. Psychologists suggest that we are afraid of failure or success, or that we feel undeserving of time spent just on ourselves, or that it's easier to say we want to learn to dance (for example) but lack the time than it is to admit to ourselves or a dance-happy spouse that we really don't want to do it after all.

Philip Goldberg, author of Get Out of Your Own Way, says we fall back on the "no time" excuse because we're "attracted to the outcome and not the process, which is often arduous. We're pleasure-seeking animals and we have difficulty with anything that requires even minor sacrifices."

Sometimes what we perceive to be a lack of time is actually a lack of direction. It's hard to know what's worth spending time on unless we know what we want out of life. For that, Goldberg recommends quieting the mind through meditation, prayer, or a walk in the woods. "You're going to be obsessing about this stuff anyway," he says. "If you can quiet your mind enough [to think through these larger questions], it's more efficient."

Time management tough love
On a purely practical level, however, the reason we can't find time for that one thing we've always wanted to do is that we don't set aside time for it, says Julie Morgenstern, a time management expert and author of the best-selling Organizing from the Inside Out.

"People are constantly planning to do what they've always wanted to do when there is extra time, and there will never, ever, ever be extra time," she says. "In today's world, when every moment is flooded with five thousand options about what you could do, and should do, and what others want you to do, there is no such thing as free time."

For those who are intent on carving out time but are unsure of how to begin, Morgenstern offers her favorite time management tips.

Choose the time that offers the highest probability of success. Look hard at your calendar or weekly routine and pick a time that's least likely to compete with another obligation--first thing Sunday morning, for example--then "throw a net around it." Treat that block of time as inviolable, or at least treat it with the same respect you'd give a doctor appointment. If your phone rings during this newly found time, tell whomever it is that you'll call them back later. Even better, let the machine pick up.

Keep an activity log. People who manage time well always ask three questions: What do I need to do? How long will it take? When will I do it? The reason we end up with mammoth to-do lists (with items that all need to be done by Friday) is that we don't ask ourselves the second and third questions.

"Logging how much time things take for two weeks will transform you," says Morgenstern, "because if you know and acknowledge in advance how long something will take, then you can make wise decisions about where to spend your time." Without the hard data that a log provides, it's easy to delude ourselves about how much we can accomplish--and to get discouraged when we never get to the thing we most want to do.

Buy time. Use your activity log to identify one thing that can be outsourced. Look for something that you hate, aren't very good at, and takes too much time--yard work, housecleaning, errands--then buy yourself the time that task takes by hiring someone else to do it.

Just say no. While this is Time Management 101, it's difficult to master because we get a certain pleasure out of helping other people. "But it's only one of life's pleasures," Morgenstern explains, "and it shouldn't monopolize your time, because you'll end up feeling depleted." In general, there are two or three people in each of our lives that don't hesitate to spend our time to accomplish their objectives. Identify who they are and learn to say no to them.

It is possible to do this gracefully. Stall. Say, "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." This gives you time to make a conscious, rather than knee-jerk, decision. Suggest another resource. When you say, "I can't do it, but have you thought about Jane Smith?" it's a win-win situation, because you're helping the person get what he needs without actually doing the work yourself. Finally, use the language of business: "Given my other commitments, I don't think I could give this the time it deserves."

Control technology. The average American spends more than nine years watching TV. Television was the first thing to go when Diane Smith*, a mother who always dreamed of being a doctor, tackled medical school at age 40. Smith (who wrings every minute from her day by doing things like keeping a stack of study note cards on the back of her toilet) still tapes a few shows she swears she can't live without. But then, she says, "when I'm finally able to watch them, half the time I don't care anymore and I end up using the time to do something else." So shut the TV off already and do the thing you love.

While you're at it, disconnect from the Internet and turn off your cell phone. Morgenstern says new technologies have made it harder for people to control their own curiosity--"Who's calling me?"--and easier to procrastinate. "When you are about to do something that is difficult, you check your e-mail first," she says, because that's easier. "Just because you can doesn't mean you should. You have to fight your own Pavlovian impulses."

Next? Resist the urge to waver
Once you wrest control of a block of time, the trick is to use it to do your heart's desire rather than to catch up on another task. One way to do that is to take a related class. Paying money for an activity legitimizes it and helps you move it up on your list of priorities. Or find a friend who shares your longing to paint, for example, and get together to work and to critique each other's work. Agree that by the next time you meet, you'll each have another painting to show, and hold each other accountable.

There isn't time to do everything. And, no matter how badly we want it to, time does not expand to fit our to-do lists. Unless you're okay with only helping others accomplish their goals and never accomplishing your own, it's important to be intentional about where you spend your time.

"You have to ask yourself, if I say yes to this person or activity, who and what will I say no to?" says Morgenstern. "If you don't make choices, they'll be made for you and you won't get to do what you want to do. It takes courage."

*Name was changed in the interest of privacy

Christine MacLean is the editor of Jugglezine. It took her 20 years to find--make--the time to write fiction, and she still backslides regularly.