As the owner of a home-based business designing online courses, Polly Newman is always in search of new clients. But when she's at a business function or party--aka prospect-heaven--she feels self-conscious and shy. "Networking is not my forte," Newman admits. "It doesn't come naturally."

So Newman makes a game out of it. She takes a few business cards to a professional function and challenges herself to give away all of them by the end of the evening. That helps her make the extra effort of meeting new people. "I set a goal for myself," she explains. "It gives me something tangible."

It also pays off. Three years ago, Newman, who is from Boston, met a potentially valuable client at a conference in Texas. Every few months, she followed up with an e-mail or an article she thought would interest him. Today, Newman is busy for the next six months doing projects for him. "I stayed in touch without being pushy or heavy-handed about it," she says.

Many people wrongly associate networking with being pushy. Think of the person who is "working a room," wondering "what's in it for me?" Or, as Susan RoAne, author of The Secrets of Savvy Networking, puts it: "It's the one at a function with 'agenda' emblazoned all over his forehead."

If you understand how to network with aplomb rather than aggressiveness, you can boost your bottom line, expand your business and personal contacts, and do it seamlessly on a daily basis--not just at a formal networking get-together.

What's in a name?
Successful networkers know networking is not something you do only when you need a job or more clients. It's about cultivating and nurturing relationships all the time--at the gym or book group, in line at Starbucks as well as through work--so that you immediately come to mind when a position comes up. It doesn't mean thrusting your business cards on whomever you meet. Instead, it means being aware that opportunities are everywhere.

It also means making connections between others. Those good at networking break out their Rolodex and Blackberry often, share contacts, and introduce people they think could help one another. Jeffrey Meshel, owner of three companies and author of One Phone Call Away: Secrets of a Master Networker, says that rather than asking, "What's in it for me?" he'll ask, "What's good for you?" He says, "Culturally, it's the other way around. I will argue to the max that that's the wrong way to think. You have to be a giver."

Patience pays
Networking is rarely a love-at-first-sight encounter that leads to immediate assignments. Rather, it is a process built upon a relationship that occurs over time and requires nurturing. "If you're only thinking about exchanging cards," maintains RoAne, "then you're basically a one-night stand. There is no network if there is no follow up."

There are people who are fabulous at meeting people, but don't pursue the relationship after the event. "But having both skills--being a great mingler and a great networker--is a dynamite combination," says RoAne.

Getting to know you
It's what you do when you meet someone, and then after, that determines your effectiveness. Try these tips:

• Practice. When you meet someone, you have to create an impression fast. Your job is to stand out, sell yourself, and exude confidence. Prepare a 30-second "elevator speech" that gets people interested in what you do. For instance, rather than saying, "I sell insurance," try, "I'm involved in disasters." Says Andrew Gilman, president of a Washington, D.C., communications consulting company, "When someone asks what I do, I say I helped Johnson & Johnson during the Tylenol crisis." Use verbs ("I helped. . .") rather than nouns and titles ("I'm a communications consultant").
  
  
• Connect. Find something or someone you have in common with the person. From there ask the other person what she does and your conversation is off and running.
  
  
• Listen. Draw the person out about his work and interests. He'll be thrilled to expound and then the conversation will come around to you.
  
  
• Be prepared. Take business cards wherever you go and keep your resume and database updated.
  
  
• Follow up soon. Write a short e-mail or note saying you enjoyed meeting the person and mention something you discussed. Tell her you will call in a week and/or that you'd love to get together for coffee or stay in touch. When you meet, don't ask for a job, but rather for advice. Don't worry, she'll let you know if there's something suitable. Ask if there's anyone else you should meet. Whether it's a face-to-face or long distance relationship, check in with a call or e-mail, or send an article of interest with a quick note every few months.
  
  
• Thank the people who helped you in small ways, as well as the ones directly responsible for your lucky break.
  
  
• Speak up and circulate. Let everyone know you are looking for a job or clients--friends, relatives, former colleagues, acquaintances, people you volunteer with or with whom you are on boards. Attend business association meetings and trade conferences and join industry-specific organizations. Get the word out through online networking websites such as linkedin, ryze, or, if you're a woman, worldwit. Peruse online resume databases, company websites, or niche job boards. The consulting firm Booz Allen Hamilton discovered that U.S. companies found 51 percent of all new hirees in 2005 via the Internet.
  
  
• Create your own networking group. Put together a breakfast with five friends you respect professionally to learn more about one another's work. Commit to thinking about how each of you can help the other four, including making introductions. Meet once a month for breakfast to discuss your various projects. "Anyone can do it and it starts with your friends," says Meshel. "Everyone wants more business."
  
  
• Don't discriminate. Interact with people of all ages and at all stages in their careers. The college grad down the street starting a career in finance might have connections. Hey, someday he might land you your biggest client!

Sally Abrahms has been practicing her "elevator speech," which includes that she recently wrote about a group in their 70s, 80s and 90s who sing rock 'n roll and tour Europe for TIME. Have any contacts?