Birth can be a real pain. Just ask the judge hearing a case my husband was trying. David had told His Honor he wouldn't be able to make it to court the following Thursday because I was scheduled for a Cesarean section. "Sorry," said the judge, "but I have a lot of cases to hear and you'll have to be here." Luckily, the case settled and my husband was at my side when our daughter was born.

Apparently, the timing for baby number two was also ill-conceived. I was supposed to go on a book tour two weeks after my son was born. My (former) literary agent snapped, "You should have thought about [having a baby] before!"

As they said in the 60's, what are these people smoking? Something is out of whack when a judge rules for work over family, when an agent can only see book sales, but not birth. Weren't there other workable options? I know. Had I been a good mother I would have told the baby to wait until the trial or the tour were over.

With the proliferation of dotcoms, an economy that is thriving, and the increase in everything from college tuition to mortgage rates, long hours are necessary and expected to maintain a cushy lifestyle. Further fueling this work ethic and blurring the line between work and home is the availability of instant communication through a variety of high-tech gadgets.

Today we have the ability to conduct business at any hour from anywhere, whether it's at the beach or in the bleachers, through e-mail, voice mail, and laptops. Clients, customers, and bosses expect to be able to reach you at all times. Thanks to technology, we can now literally work ourselves to death.

Enough!

Many American CEOs, middle managers, and manual laborers are realizing that more of a homelife may mean changing their career, work track, or salary. Most are baby boomers who, seeing their parents, friends, or colleagues become ill and die, realize that "life is not a dress rehearsal." So, they are scrambling to find alternatives. (Statistics show that babyboomers aren't the only ones looking for alternatives.)

According to a 1997 Bureau of Labor Statistics survey, 2.7 million of the 7.4 million people who work night shifts have children under the age of 18. The reason for their unconventional schedule: so they can be with their kids during the day.

Some enlightened companies seem to be responding to the balancing act. Vying for the most talented workers, they are offering benefits such as flex time, parental leave, and even concierge services for harried employees.

"Companies are realizing that it is in their self interest to have employees with less stress," maintains Susan Ginsberg, author of Family Wisdom and the editor and publisher of "Work & Family Life," a monthly newsletter sent to corporations. "People feel they want to be able to be good employees, good parents, and good family members and don't want it to be a tradeoff all the time. Companies are doing a lot to help employees navigate their work and family more smoothly."

Clearly, not everyone is able to mesh the two. A surgeon, for instance, may have to do rounds early and stay at the hospital late; a single mother may not have the flexibility or seniority to attend her son's after school soccer game or partake in as much family time as she wants.

Seeing the big picture

Liz Walker, a beloved Boston TV anchor, is one who can. Last month she decided to give up anchoring the 5 p.m. and 11 p.m. newscasts and switch to the noon news. "I just feel [sic] time was slipping away,"she told the press. "I'm 48. My son is 12. He's 5-feet-11-inches tall. He already looks me in the eye. Pretty soon, he'll be gone."

"When he was younger, I had a bit more control over his life. As he's grown older, as he's made more of a life of his own, I could feel him slipping from my grasp," Walker mused. "I'd try to touch base after school, but it was getting harder. So now I'm trying to catch the moments with him that I can." Walker echoes the sentiments of many working parents.

When my kids were babies, my husband was on an all-hours three-week work jag. After the project was over, he went up to our young son's bedroom for a chat. "Nick, it's Daddy," my husband beamed. "I remember Daddy," Nick said.

These days, his father's face is much more familiar. While David still has a grueling schedule, he is determined to come home three times a week for a 7:30 p.m. family dinner. After the meal, he goes downstairs and pores over documents and briefs until midnight; David has found a way to connect with us and still get his work done.

Turning over a new leaf

It's not just lawyers and news anchors who are feeling the pull toward a more balanced life. Consider the letter I just received from my gardener explaining why he was folding his business. "I have thoroughly enjoyed landscaping but being self-employed is very difficult. It means working 7 days a week, 12-14 hours a day, no vacation time, no sick days, no holidays. My children are growing up very quickly and I want to be able to spend more time with them."

My gardener will do construction work instead, at his own pace. And what will I do? Give him the green thumbs up, respecting his priorities, and knowing there are many others willing to put in the grueling hours and take his place. 

SALLY ABRAHMS works from home so she can keep an eye on her three teenagers.