For seven years, David Boylan was an actor at a Chicago dinner theater. He loved the job itself--but he also loved the camaraderie of the 12-member cast. "After shows, we'd go out for drinks, see movies and attend other theatre productions," Boylan says.

When Boylan was promoted to director, he expected a smooth transition. After all, he'd be supervising pals, not strangers. But as soon as he assumed the director's chair and started critiquing performances, Boylan's friendships turned unexpectedly chilly. The actors stopped speaking freely around him and stopped inviting him on social outings--unless he walked up while they were discussing plans.

"Once, I joined everybody for drinks, and some people made comments like, 'We can't talk about that because the director is here,'" recalls Boylan, now 47 and a producer/stage manager of business events. "It was said jokingly, but it contained a degree of seriousness. Suddenly, I felt like an outsider--and it made me feel really sad."

Is it even possible?

Striking up friendships with colleagues is easy: We spend most of our waking hours on the job, so it's natural to bond with those who share our schedules and professional interests. It's supervising those friends that's difficult. In fact, when it comes to being promoted over peers, career strategists say Boylan's experience is typical. That's because the situation shifts the balance of power in the group, creating tension and discomfort all around.

For the newly promoted person, it can be awkward to give candid feedback without alienating friends or discipline them when their performance sags. For the employees, it can be difficult to take direction from a former equal. Plus, employees are bound to feel some jealousy (especially those who sought the promotion) and resentment (even those without managerial aspirations) toward a friend who's now earning more money, mixing with the higher-ups and receiving more glory.

"Part of the group will wish you well because they're your true friends," says Deborah Dobson, co-author of Enlightened Office Politics. "And part of the group will feel toward you the way people feel toward celebrities--they're not sure they wish you well."

So can you manage your friends and still be their friend? "Yes, but you can't be friends in the same intimate way as you were before the promotion," explains Pat Heim, Ph.D., co-author of In the Company of Women: Turning Workplace Conflict Into Powerful Alliances. "You can discuss how their kids are doing, but you can't discuss the sexual problems in their marriage anymore."

The situation represents a loss for both sides. Peers feel left behind, as they lose access to their friend who no longer has time to chat about "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." The newly promoted feel left out, as they no longer can rely on pals for the same support.

"As a new manager, you'll need to look to a new group of peers for advice, support and comfort," says Dobson, a management consultant in Bethesda, Maryland. "The old adage that it gets lonelier at the top is true." Adds Heim: "To maintain your authority and manage effectively, you must pull away."

Mary Boylan, 46, a former writer/producer at TV station in Chicago, watched a friend do just that after he became news director. "His friend pool changed, big time," says Mary Boylan, David's wife, and now a freelance TV documentary writer/producer. "Instead of eating lunch with us, he went out with the station's high-priced anchors and general manager."

Gender matters

Supervising friends can be particularly daunting for women, according to Heim, a management consultant in Pacific Palisades, Calif., who specializes in gender issues. Women tend to develop stronger workplace friendships than men, because they share highly personal information. And while men typically are comfortable functioning in a hierarchy, women expect other women, regardless of their rank on the organizational chart, to behave as if they have equal power--what Heim calls it the rule of "power dead even." "Getting promoted sends a woman's workplace relationships out of whack," Heim explains. "Her good buddies will say 'She's drunk with power,' 'Who does she think she is,' and 'She's a bitch,' even if the newly promoted woman hasn't done anything except give someone an assignment."

As a new assistant city editor for a major metropolitan newspaper in the mid-1990s, Phyllis Jordan was simply doing her job when she edited a reporter's story. But the woman took the editing personally. "She said, 'I can't believe you've done this to my story,'" recalls Jordan, 43. "It was hard for her to adjust to being edited by a friend."

Some new managers bring problems on themselves. After spending three years as a customer service representative for a health insurance company, Pam Reilly*, then 25, was tapped to supervise 15 female peers. "I went from being their smoking buddy to being the boss who told them not to take so many smoking breaks," says Reilly, now 32, and a hospital administrator in Wilmington, Del. "I immediately yanked people off projects and changed their responsibilities to prove I was in charge."

Reilly's former peers badmouthed her, ignored her directions and shut her out of social functions. "You need the respect of your people, because you rely on them to work hard and make you look good," she says. "I was too immature and power mad to show my friends the respect they deserved."

Not business as usual

What to do if you're promoted over your peers? Here are some tips to ease the transition:

Embrace change. "Once you gain the power to fire your friends, the dynamics of the relationship have changed forever," Boylan says. "You can be friendly. You can be humane. You can be respectful. But in the end, you truly cannot be their best friend. And they don’t want you to be."

Socialize equitably. "Don't stop having lunch with your friends, but don't go out with them exclusively or it will be perceived as favoritism by the other employees," Heim cautions.

Build goodwill. "Publicly acknowledge your friend's recent accomplishment or give her a task that will allow her to shine," advises Connie Glaser, an Atlanta-based workplace expert and co-author of When Money Isn't Enough.

Expect a backlash, but don't take it personally. "If a friend badmouths you, tell her to talk to you directly if she has an issue in the future," Heim says.

Acknowledge strengths and weaknesses. "I should have admitted what I didn't know," Reilly says.

Treat your friends like insiders. "Without breaking confidences, keep your friends informed about what's going on in the organization," Dobson says.

Stay humble. "If former peers sense that you feel you're better than they are, the relationships may be irreparably damaged," Glaser says. "Come across as slightly self-deprecating to bridge the gap in your status."

*Name changed to protect privacy. 

Cynthia Hanson, a freelance writer in Philadelphia, has written about career strategy for many publications, including the Chicago Tribune, Marie Claire and Cosmopolitan. She is content to manage herself.