Jugglezine - Your Meal Ticket to Success

Letters to the Editor
and About Jugglezine >>

Your Meal Ticket to Success
Dishing on proper dining etiquette
TEXT BY SALLY ABRAHMS ILLUSTRATION BY FERRUCCIO SARDELLA OCTOBER 4, 2002



How are your table manners? (Choose one)
	Excellent! I was raised on Emily Post.
	Not bad. I can remember them when it's important.
	Honestly? Not as good as I'd like.
	Atrocious, but why sweat the small stuff?




Agree? Disagree? Stop sounding off to your computer screen! Instead, share your point of view on this subject with our readers.

At a lunch conference at an elite Boston university, I was at a table that included a renowned educator with a double Ivy League affiliation, a national television producer, and a successful publicist. They seemed professional and accomplished--until the fish and key lime pie arrived.

The producer began his meal before anyone else was served. When her coffee came, the publicist brought her mouth to the cup that was on the table and slurped. Then the pedigree professor pulled out a toothpick and proceeded to use it.

Any wonder why business dining etiquette classes are booming? With more people grabbing fast food on the fly and having fewer meals together as a family, the task of teaching and learning good manners often bites the dust. Yet today they are essential. A tight employment market means businesses can be picky about hiring, and a global economy mandates knowing local dining customs and taboos. Some business schools have begun to offer etiquette courses, and other advice is being served up in the form of videos and websites (go to any search engine and type "business dining etiquette"). Many sites also offer business etiquette IQ tests.

Why it matters

Why do you need to know that salt and pepper are always passed together or other proper dining protocol? More than half of all business deals are clinched over food. Prospective employees are often invited to lunch on their second or third interview so that companies can see how they handle themselves. If you slurp your soup, for example, would-be bosses may think you could be careless at work. At the very least, they could be underwhelmed by you and decide to pass on the job offer or the sale.

A consulting firm once hired Barbara Pachter, founder of a New Jersey business communications firm and author of The Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook, after one of its directors took a prospective client with a $30 million portfolio to dinner. When the director licked his knife during the meal, the investor was appalled and decided to take his business elsewhere.

Peggy Newfield, an Atlanta corporate etiquette consultant, wonders: "Would you ever take your client out for a game of golf if you've never held a club in your hand? Both dining etiquette and golf are learned skills. Everything about us sends out major signals to other people and dining is all part of that package. You really don't want to be talking with food in your mouth and spraying people!"

Food for thought

Pachter contends, "The meal isn't the only thing that counts. Dining etiquette really begins from the moment you schedule the event" if you're the host. That means picking a restaurant that is conducive to talking, finding out if your guest has any dietary restrictions--don't choose a steak place if he is a vegetarian--getting a good table, knowing what to order, and making suggestions so the other person has an idea of an appropriate price range.

When you are the guest, stick to dishes you like and know and that are easy to eat. "The main purpose of a business meal is business, not food," says Pachter. "It's not the time to experiment." Or, as Newfield likes to tell people who attend her course, "your wing days are over!"

John Stiner of Washington, D.C., couldn't agree more. "When I was interviewing at a law firm I was taken to a fancy French restaurant and ordered something I thought would be easy to eat--a crab dish," he recalls. "I spent the next 45 minutes trying to avert the eyes of my lawyer hosts while I quickly spat out the crab cartilage in every bite!"

Felicia Davis, a bank manager from Cleveland, has attended an eight-hour etiquette course. "It's almost like having a document that says, 'this is how business etiquette should be done.' In order to be successful in any arena, you have to be comfortable with who you are. Taking the course has made me comfortable about taking charge at a meal, where I'm sometimes the only female." Davis believes there are so many changes in today's working world. Questions she had before she became a manners maven were: How do you pick up the check with a man who might get offended? (Give your credit card to the maitre d'.) How do you make introductions? (Start with the most important person in the group.)

A proper dining primer
One article can't tell you everything you need to know, but here's a start.

Use utensils from the outside in, i.e. eat salad with the fork that's farthest from the plate.
Bread plates, like other solids, go on your left, while drinks (water, wine, coffee and other liquids) go on your right.
When you're seated at a long table, you can start eating when two people to your left and right are served. If your food hasn't arrived, tell others to begin.
Only reach for items that are in front of you; ask that the rest be passed.
Wait for your host to put her napkin in her lap before you touch your plate. Keep your napkin in your lap until the meal is over; if you leave the table during the meal, place the napkin on your chair.
Begin a serious business discussion with a new client after the main course is cleared or during dessert; old clients can bring up business any time during the meal.
Don't order anything messy, like pasta or finger foods.
Never order the most expensive thing on the menu; see what your host is getting and take your cues from him.
Turn off your cell phone or leave the table if you must talk.
Stay away from liquor or at the very least, limit it.
Thank your host with a note or a phone call.

Whatever you do, watch what you say so you don't need to eat your words. When Stiner worked in New York City before moving to Washington, D.C, some senior law partners took the summer associates to lunch. "One summer clerk looked quizzically at the lemon wrapped in cheese cloth and tried to take it off," he remembers. "But the greatest moment was when the waiter spilled steaming hot coffee on the big deal partner. He jumped up and called him an S.O.B.!"

Sally Abrahms knows that a roll should be buttered one bite at a time.

Reactions to "Your Meal Ticket to Success"

As an owner/partner of one of the larger consulting groups in New York City, I am consistently appalled by the lack of manners shown during business meals. Offending a potential, or current, client with bad table manners is inexcusable – and while hiring managers may try to look beyond poor manners, our clients are disinclined to do so. Recognizing the value of our clients and their perceptions of us, we consistently evaluate our employees on all aspects of their behaviour – manners and interpersonal skills as well as inconsistent or inappropriate grooming and dress.

While some may not agree that bad manners at the table can be equated to bad manners overall, I propose that a lenthy time in sheltered academia may distort one's perception.

Moreover, assuming all of our doctoral candidates are not in the Animal Husbandry Program, it would probably bode well for graduating students and prospective employees to hone their manners.

Life is not a frat party – buy a tie, trim your nails, close your mouth and grow up. Those around you will appreciate it - and you will probably impress your mom.

Craig

It seems ridiculous that people could worry so much over such trivialities. Anyone who thinks that there is nothing more disgusting than someone with bad table manners is pampered. Also, anyone who cannot look through some matters of style in an employee to the substance of the person underneath should not be hiring for their company. He is probably costing the company the skills of their best potential workers, who will no doubt be hired by the competition. Dining habits reflect what someone's parents taught them, and nothing more.

Barry Smith
Graduate Student, UC San Diego

It's nice to see validation of the importance of dining etiquette. I may be considered anal retentive by some circles, but nothing offends me more than watching someone eat. The gestation process in itself is disgusting, so we should try to make it as pleasant as possible for others.
And to those who don't think a person's dining habits should be a measure of work ability, your dining habits directly reflect your consideration for others (a workplace necessity) and your attention to detail (another workplace necessity).
On that note, I will offer a piece of learned advice. Never order salad during a business meal. There is no graceful way to jam a large, sloppy piece of plant into your mouth.

Jason
Operations Coordinator, OASAS

Dear Sally,
I am forwarding your article to both of my daughters (Princeton '03 & Tufts '02) in the hope that it circulates like wildfire.

When I was on my firm's hiring committee and taking law school grads to lunch, atrocious table manners was my leading reason for not recommending someone to be hired. The only point you missed was telling them to cut their meat/fish one bite at a time (my personal pet peeve).

Regina S. Rockefeller
Attorney, Hutchins, Wheeler

What a good read. Granted, there are also other cultures that simply have different styles when it comes to eating. Though I have to admit, there have been quite a few times that I think to myself, "Who raised this person to have such manners?!"

I do agree that proper dining etiquette doesn't necessarily equate to workplace success.
However, I do believe it is essential to have good etiquette while eating, just as a common courtesy.

Sarah
Owner, FigaroDesign

Excellent article. I was born and raised in Europe and proper table manners were and still are a part of my daily eating habits. If you routinely pay attention to your table manners while at home, sooner or later those manners will become natural. There is nothing more disgusting when you sit next to or in front of someone that simply has no clue how one should behave while eating. Unfortunately, not everyone is open to idea of proper table manners -- try it, it will certainly make your eating experience that much more enjoyable.

AK
Assistant Vice President, Merrill Lynch

Business etiquette is a value that is unfortunately vanishing away. Proper behavior at a table should not be learned when we are adult but during our education.

For those who argue that one should not be discriminated because of etiquette.... let me ask you this: Your daughter brings home her boyfriend for a family dinner so that you can get to know him better and the kid just has no manners.... how would you feel?

John Wallace
Senior Banker, Capital Management

A very perceptive view of good and bad business behaviour during meals... thanks for the reminder.

Larry McMillen
"former"employee/owner, SQA Rocklin

I'm forwarding this to my office colleagues!! And my husband.

Becky Levi-Cohen
Accounting, Hill & Company

I have a client who prefers to lunch at various Coney Dog restaurants around the Detroit area. Who knows the proper etiquette for eating a "looseburger," when half of it ends up in your lap?

Mark VanderKlipp
Senior Officer, Corbin

After spending six years in an eating disorder spiral, along with 20-odd years being afraid to eat in public, I will be the first to say food habits should have absolutely no bearing on hiring decisions. Proper dining etiquette does NOT equate to workplace success.

Robyn
designer

Thank you very much. Beyond true. My first design job interview began over a meal. I was being looked at nonstop to see if I could handle it.

Adrienne Gallagher
Owner, Paper Tamers

Many many moons ago (I graduated in 1966!) I attended RIT's School of Retailing. Believe it or not our Dean scheduled meetings with student groups over lunch so we would learn proper etiquette.

I now work part time in a gym. Last week I posted a reminder of proper "Gym Etiquette". It seems that few know how to be polite no matter what the setting. Definitely the result of our "me first" culture.

Thank you for your post.

Rich Montena

reaction to this story comes with some outstanding questions that I still hold onto after all those years at a snobby stuck up boarding school.
so tell me how does one finish soup when you get to the very bottom of the bowl...?
boarding school taught me that you are to tip the bowl to your left (ie if you are a lefty, as I am), then use your soup spoon to scoop up the last spoonful of soup. Does this hold true?
Also, where should left handed people sit at a table, especially when its a long table and you are seated right (+ left) next to a business associate...
do tell please.

namrata
design, construction and business development, blissworld







You've been asking for an easy way to share these articles with friends since Day One. To which we reply, "Uncle!"