Jugglezine - Rethinking Fear

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Rethinking Fear
You can be afraid, but you don't have to be
TEXT BY KATE CONVISSOR ILLUSTRATION BY MARTIN O'NEILL SEPTEMBER 12, 2003



During what part of your life have you been most fearful? (Choose one)
	Childhood
	Adolescence
	Early adulthood
	Middle age
	Golden years




Agree? Disagree? Stop sounding off to your computer screen! Instead, share your point of view on this subject with our readers.

Life is unpredictable, and you have every right to be afraid. After all, these are scary times. But the truth is, you don't have to be. The truth is, the world is not a scary place. The truth is, awe is a far more rational reaction to this world of ours than fear.

I know this because I have just spent months wandering in our corner of the globe, tires to the earth and far too little to buffer me from all those scary natural and human elements. Bad things happened, of course. But after eighteen months of travel through the U.S., Mexico, and Canada, the truth that lingers like the scent of honeysuckle is that our world is a place of extravagant beauty and of quirky surprise.

Of course I was afraid at times. I was afraid when we lost partial brake power at La Rumerosa pass in Mexico. As we plunged toward a precipice with the overheated truck brakes billowing black smoke behind us, I looked out onto a vast, empty abyss and. . .waited. My husband managed to maneuver the hairpin curve and coast through the rest of the pass. We figured out why the brakes had failed, took a deep breath--and traveled on.

The new fear

Fear is raw and primal. Even after eons of evolution, we can still be immoblized by it almost before our brains have processed whether there is any reason to be afraid.
But far more often, fear itself is the enemy. Rather than an instinctive response to a real threat, fear has become an anticipation of scary things. We fret; we imagine monsters under the bed; we recall past frights. Now, we simply have a bad habit. We call it "worry" and "anxiety."

"Every time you worry, you practice to be weak. Every time you act on your strength, you practice to be strong," says Dr. Phil Nuernberger, author of Strong and Fearless: The Quest for Personal Power. "You practice what you really want to achieve, and you don't have to live in fear."

I didn't feel strong or brave when we pulled onto the highway with our two kids and the dog to begin our adventure. I felt exhausted, scared, and unbelievably stupid. We had just sold most of our worldly goods and uprooted our respectable middle-class lives. Preparing for the trip had demanded far more emotional and physical energy than I had anticipated. And for what? Some ridiculous, adolescent urge? Some romantic notion of freedom and the open road? I certainly didn't feel like I was practicing to be strong--but I was.

Bring it on

The odd thing about fear is that once we confront it, it tends to evaporate like water thrown on the witch. And once we learn how to deal with witches, maybe we won't be afraid of flying monkeys or wizards either.

That's what happened on the trip: I came back less afraid of life in general. I'm not afraid of going to strange places or of negotiating a rig through a mountain pass. I'm more confident in my ability to handle life's knuckle sandwiches. And I believe more firmly that we are surrounded by beneficence and compassion. Some people call it fate or luck or karma. I call it grace.

I was lying on a deserted beach near San Felipe in Mexico, blood streaming from a gash in my head. My son had been clearing a spot to park the trailer. With all his adolescent strength and enthusiasm, he had heaved a large, black rock over his shoulder and hit me squarely on the head, knocking me flat.

As I lay bleeding on the sand in a foreign country, the wails of my children ringing in my ears, I despaired. "We have to pray," I said to the kids. There was nothing else to do.

Ten seconds later--literally--a calm voice spoke to me in English. "I'm an EMT, and I work at Children's Hospital in San Francisco. May I take a look at your head?"

Four young men from California were camping in an abandoned building down the beach, and one of them happened to be an EMT.

For all the scary and dangerous things that happened on the trip, for all our mistakes and misadventures, what I know more deeply than I have ever known it--what I bear witness to, in fact--is the grandeur and mystery of our world. And I am so glad I didn't let fear--or common sense for that matter--talk me into staying home.

Because then I would have missed the Leonid meteor shower exploding in the infinite Texas sky. (My daughter stopped counting at 300 shooting stars in a half-hour period.) I'd have missed the herd of Roosevelt elk that nudged me off the path in the middle of a rain forest in Washington State. I wouldn't have seen the alpine meadow at the foot of the Bugaboo ice field in British Columbia, green as newborn creation and twinkling with stars of asters, fireweed, pearly everlasting, and Indian paintbrush. I'd have missed Carneval in La Paz and Mardi Gras in Galveston. And I'd still be afraid of witches.

Choose or lose

Life is unpredictable and ultimately lethal. It always has been. And we humans are still frail and vulnerable creatures. But I have a choice. I can stay in familiar places. I can pad the cell so comfortably that it feels like home. I can worry about the past and the future, about money and security, about my children and my grandchildren. Or I can choose to deal with what is put before me. I can choose to take some risk for the chance of greater gain. At least I can choose not to let fear make decisions for me.

"I can only control myself," says Nuernberger. "I can't stop you from shooting me, but if I'm fearful, I may shoot you first just to overcome my fear."

Sometimes the unimaginable happens. Sometimes planes fall from the sky. Mountains explode. The earth quakes. Some of us are called upon to endure depravity, brutality, freak acts of nature, war, and pestilence. All of us encounter difficulties at one time or another. Then, our only choice is how we will respond. Viktor Frankl, survivor of the death camps, calls this ". . .the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances." To me, this is a bedrock freedom, and I find it profoundly hopeful.

I've been back for a year now, and so far I haven't picked up the bad, old worry habits. (Although I am driving faster and cussing more.) Now when I get that tight, tingly feeling about money, or work, or whether the car will start, I know that I can worry if I want to--but that I don't have to. I have a choice.

I also know that I can trust the beauty and goodness that permeates our world. Because now I know it's there.

Kate Convissor writes from a small house in northern Michigan. She is planning the next journey and working on a book about the last one.

Reactions to "Rethinking Fear"

The attitude shift is healthy, and it's great to be optimistic.
But it is really Dan-ger-ous to become Starry-Eyed.
-- There is No Substitute for Preparation.

There ARE some localized parts of the world that are VERY dangerous.

Article is well-written but over-romanticized as is the fashion with many women writers. A certain deal of Pure Simple Luck was involved in her adventures.

A guy I knew watched his unskilled friend die in a motorcycle accident. If that doesn't at least lessen the tint on the rose-colored glasses, nothing will.

Gavin DeBecker and Thom Rutledge wrote good books on useful vs. useless fears which are prob. better than nurnberger.

Will L
Consultant

This was just what I wanted. Maybe like the EMT who found you, this page found me. My mind always seemed to know I had just to face the situation and see what happens instead of fearing thinking about it. Your words pointed to the direction. I was always trying to adopt the Nike motto "just do it", never starting actually. This article actually pushed me over some obstacle that my mind was facing. I won't stop now to fear.

Nilesh Bhagwat

Thanks, Kate, for fueling my courage. I recently took my first overseas trip since Sept. 11 and feel I'm a step closer to relinquishing fear's grip on my passion for travel. I'd never been afraid to travel before 9/11. Your article is inspiring for me, not only to overcome travel fears, but also to shove off the worries and anxiety in my daily living.

Marcia Davis
Communications Specialist, Herman Miller, Inc.

My sister suggested that I check this out...I don't know if she felt fear dominated my life or not.

I have been venturing off into a field of art that was necessary because of my need to supplement a pat time job.

Perhaps the only fear I possess is the need and urge to move thigs forward and I am not sure if it is the worry of rejection or just fatigue [that keeps me from doing it] but they may be interrelated.

Anyway I hope that your inspiration leads me to respond to the moment as it presents itself and also to the opportunities that I begin to know about.

Jane Selbie

Thank you Kate and Herman Miller! This is just the story I needed at this moment. Finding myself at a time in my life it is good to remember that there really are so many options. That is it not necessary or productive to worry. Worry is a road I do not choose to travel. There are much beter roads, paths, and journeys. Thank you!

Eve Schell Okumura
PR Communications Specialist, RCUH

The excerpt from Dr. Nuerneberger angers me. As a person who suffers from anxiety disorder I can tell you that I do not choose to worry. The idea that I, or anyone else, should be considered "weak" because of this is nothing short of retarded. I think you can throw his book on the ever growing pile of useless "self-help" garbage. I wish the author would have left that part out.

As for the rest of the article, I applaud the author for taking this journey. There is a fine line between following transatory emotions and pursuing your real dreams. I'd be interested to know which one of these the author was doing. I spend quite a bit of time trying to tell the difference between my whimsical ideals and real dreams. I guess there is only one way to really find out.

fern

Great story! I have been struggling with worry and as a Christian know it is the wrong thing to do! I will save this story to review when the worry bug comes. I also am reminding myself that Satan loves when I worry because then I am weak and vulnerable!

Kathryn Willet
President, Kayco Comm

In the last two months I had the new experience that my business wasn't as successful as it had been and I had the experience of being afraid--nearly being paralyzed by fear! I was afraid of my business failing. And I had the same experience as Kate. In the same moment when I confronted my fear, and stopped trying to ignore it, but faced and accepted it I could go through it-- and fear disappeared.
Thanks for this wonderful story!

Adelheid
CEO, Steuer Agentur für Kommunikation KG, Germany

There is a big difference between KNOWing your fear and BECOMing it. When we act on our fear, it is simply an attempt to try to control it (as we often try to control our environments). The positive side of fear is hope and knowing that many of our fears never materialize. Choose hope? Don't act on fear? Easier said than done, but wouldn't we all be better if we could?

Stephanie Goodell
Asst. Director of Student Involvement, University of Virginia

Beautifully written! For anyone considering self-employment or simply living life more fully -- I highly recommend the book "Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life" by Gregg Levoy. Much of it is about learning to live with the unknown -- and ditching fear.

In my own self-employment journey I have learned that there really is no such thing as courage. Courage is simply not giving in to fear.

Carpe diem!

Lori
Writer, Veit Communications, Madison, Wis.

Inspiration! Just as all the small things in life on a Monday morning seem to cause distress, along comes this snippet- gently nudging me back to a reality that is sometimes forgotten.

Tanya Day
Interior Designer, PWGSC

How does one get the courage to make a change and first, to know what one needs to do, what the change should look like?

Amy

Beautifully written and observed - and seemed to speak directly to me. I long to travel out into the wilderness (in more ways than one) and hope one day I have the courage to do it. Keep these articles coming Jugglezine as, in the words of my young nephew William, "they rock" !

Anne

Eleanor Roosevelt advised to do something every day that you are afraid to do. I think of this as medicinal. I decided years ago that life is too short to miss things because I was too shy to try. I am still pretty shy, but I have accomplished and witnessed more than my wildest dreams, and still have lots more to look forward to, God willing.

Another favorite quote picked up this summer at Chartwell, a Churchill: "If you are going through hell, keep going." Not the time to hunker down and cower.

Mary Sloan, IIDA
mom, under-employed faculty wife, sloan@home

I have to tell you how timely your story is to me. I am close to retirement without enough money to retire on to pay off all the bills and to do what I think I want to do in the future.
I thought I would stay with the current job another year and pay down some of the bills but alas, they don't want me. The existing company has been replaced by a new one and I was not rehired. I say thank you Lord, since I really hate aspects of the job, for now I am into the retirement idea even if I did not have the "guts" to do it myself. I purchased a sailboat to live on in '96 and have kept it all these years so I could live on it and travel to places when I retire. Here I am - not enough money and worried about quality of life in the future. Don't you think it is amazing that you should write your article and I would see it and in some way this article confirms to me I am in the right place and everything will work out in the future. I believe what you say about the travel and the accidents and the worry and the experience of it all - it is better to get out there and make the effort. I needed to hear this and I thank you. I want to see the world from my little boat!!
I found this statement whichas given me a lot of comfort, "Believe that you are exactly where you are meant to be. " The other is - there are no accidents - how nice to hear from you when I needed it!! God Bless!! and keep getting out there!

Alice Berry
Architect, Soon to be on my own again.

I agree whole heartly. When you fear, you are giveing your power away to someone or something else. This whole life is a test, to see how we react to each hurdle and how we treat our fellow man.I have a strong relationship with my Heavenly Father and as I do my part in keeping his commandments I am blessed and I never feel alone. Fear cannot exist when there is trust. Your article was well written and I appreciated reading it. Thank you

George Albright
Owner, The Grass Cutter

Bravo, Kate Convissor!

I'm sure her family is incredibly richer for the experience. Life is indeed short and then you die. For some that sounds like gloom and doom, for me it as always been a mandate to choose to not be afraid and get on with it.

Gerry Suchy
self employed, free lance photographer







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